Hello! Seiiti Arata. A relationship prison is one of which you want to get away, but you find it difficult.
It’s an abusive relationship because you feel violated for having your limits disregarded. And although the relationship is toxic and do you harm, at the same time you have trouble making a move towards a break up: that’s why we call it relationship prison.
1. Could you be locked up in a relationship prison?
A relationship prison is that in which there’s an emotional gap and a lack of reciprocity. You cannot be who you are because of the abuses from consequences, you cannot say you don’t like something that you really don’t like, you cannot have time for yourself because that will cause a big tantrum and a very strong negative reaction.
It happens when you are in a relationship with someone who manipulates you, who wants to determine what you wear, the way you handle your own finances, people whom you are friends with, what you eat, what you do.
That kind of person makes you feel bad, they threat you in order to get what they want, they make you feel sad, manipulated and controlled and imprisoned. You don’t even know how to communicate anymore and how to express yourself because you know that you will be criticised and violated for anything you say.
Sometimes the abusive person will try to keep you away from people around you by saying that they’re doing you harm, when in fact they are the ones doing that.
Pay attention to the difference between wanting someone and wanting them to be WELL. In a relationship prison the other person only wants you. Do you understand?
In order for a relationship to be healthy, you don’t need to agree with absolutely everything. Actually, disagreeing is normal and healthy. It’s a positive thing to be able to communicate with someone and share different perspectives. That makes intellectual exchanges richer. You grow, you learn. What is unacceptable is disrespect, a mockery of others’ opinions. Making fun and considering the other to be inferior is an abuse.
Therefore, pay attention to indications that you are being disrespected, placed in a lower position and having your ideas and opinions overlooked. If you notice that pattern, you can set limits and openly talk about what you are feeling. Ask to be treated with respect.
Set the limit of what is acceptable and be prepared to end the conversation if your limits are not being respected. Don’t let yourself take part in situations where you are being placed in a lower position.
2. Why do people remain in a relationship prison?
When realising that they are in an abusive relationship, adult people usually walk away. But some decide to stay.
Fear is one of the reasons trapping people in abusive relationships. There’s a great deal of anxiety about what might happen if they break up the relationship. Fear is a long topic that we will leave for future videos within our series. But if you want to see now what we already have, you can check out the full course on http://arata.se/howtosayno – there you will learn how to overcome different kinds of fear.
Sometimes they believe they need to stay in a relationship prison to protect their children. They don’t want the experience of leaving the relationship, but they forget that it’s better to get out of a bad place than to continue living in a bad place.
Some people stay in a relationship prison because at some point, especially in the beginning, the relationship used to be good or they have never noticed its negative aspects.
In other cases, the relationship prison develops slowly. People will build up the prison for participating in the drama triangle that we have explained in the video on “Relationships Without Drama” – http://arata.se/withoutdrama
Be careful if you are going through manipulation, which basically happens when the other person plants ideas in your mind. They keep on saying repeatedly that they are the only ones who can love you, that other people are evil.
They play the “us versus them” game, so you will stay by their side. That is a constant process of persuasion so that they can imprint their reality in your eyes. And slowly you begin to believe the things they say and lose your boundaries. You don’t know where you begin and end anymore, because your way of seeing the world is now impregnated with their view, and you think it’s normal to be in that relationship.
Another reason to stay in a relationship prison is guilt, which is also part of the manipulation. The person says that you should thank them for all that they have done for you and that you never do anything right. You’re never good enough and then you become desperate to be able to fix something that you haven’t broken in the first place. Sometimes they make you feel like you have an eternal debt to them because of some event of the past. They blame you for all the conflicts in the relationship, behaving like a victim.
3. Don’t push it
If you buy a shoe that hurts because it is too tight, pay attention: the shoe isn’t your size. In love it’s the same. If you are constantly pushing hard, in pain and waiting for things to finally get better, I’m sorry to say, but you have created a fantasy, an expectation, an idealised image. You have a dream of how your relationship may be one day.
You must realise the reality of your relationship. Watch this video over and over, as many times as you need, and don’t be ashamed of talking about ideas related to this topic with those close to you in order to find new perspectives.
The secret is to know how to set limits. That’s why the course “How to Say No” will help you gain assertiveness in communicating what’s best for you.
The boundaries will give you the necessary confidence for you to only allow what is good into your life, and keep the bad things out of it. You deserve to live healthy relationships, with true love.
Go to the link http://arata.se/howtosayno now and you will learn today how to put up healthy boundaries and respect yourself.