Hello! Seiiti Arata. Why is it so hard to say no? Have you noticed that every time you say “yes” to something you’re automatically saying “no” to other things? Think about it.
If you take on too many commitments, you will suffer later with stress and frustration because you are unable to do things right. That’s why it’s important that you learn how to say no.
When you say NO, you can increase your concentration and can make good use of your resources, your time, your efforts. It is only by saying “no” that you can focus on what is really important.
However, many requests constantly appear through phone calls, emails, social media and also from the people who are around you. You might even be afraid to refuse to respond to their requests.
I want to help you remember one thing: You may be a perfectly good person with a gentle heart and still say “no”.
1. Stop doing what you do not want to do.
You need to learn to say no and do things only when you really want to. If you disrespect yourself by doing what you don’t wish to do, you will get angry later.
Because it’s difficult to say “no”, there are people who end up saying “yes” because it may seem easier. But that only postpones the difficulties, because they will eventually have to deal with the consequences.
If you have the capacity, availability and willingness to stop what you are doing to help others, this is your choice.
What makes no sense is helping others and then getting angry later. When you say “yes” to others, you may be saying “no” to yourself, and this may create anger and bitterness. If this happens, it’s a problem—you are wearing the mask of the rescuer or suffering from the superhero syndrome. See the video at http://arata.se/withoutdrama for more details in this case. It is a very important video.
2. Do not let other people manipulate you.
Connection is one of the most important values for us: we want others to like us. We seek approval from others. We do not want to be rejected.
However, if your relationship with someone is broken after you say “no,” you may well ask, was it a sincere relationship, or was it a relationship based on self-serving interests?
Do not let other people blackmail you. Emotional blackmail is the manipulative weapon of those who cannot communicate well.
Some people just want you around when you are doing what they want, and the moment you behave otherwise, they will no longer enjoy your company. That is, they do not value you for who you are, but only for what you do.
A person who really likes you will never insist that you do something you do not want to do.
Do not confuse being generous with tolerating abuse or manipulation.
The biggest problem is not when the other person is being manipulative. It is when you have created in your mind some limitations and rules of behaviour. You may believe that the person making requests is so important in your life that he or she should never hear the word “no.” This becomes clear when you’re doing something you do not want, but you think, “Wow, but I cannot refuse!” And then you get mad at yourself.
And if you ever do say no, then you will feel guilty for days.
Why does it happen?
This depends on the beliefs, mental references and psychological processes that are going on in your head. You may believe that you’re hurting people when you say no.
That is why in the course, How to Say No, we will explain all the emotional and psychological details that are related to limiting beliefs. In that course, you will learn how to modify the way you think and feel as you communicate. You will learn to say “no” with quality and respect and to maintain the positive connections with the people around you. You can visit the link here: http://arata.se/howtosayno.
3. Clarify your priorities to value your time.
You should value your time. Learn to say no to almost everything so you can finally say yes to what is really important.
The difference between moderately successful and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.
Saying no to some important things allows you to say yes to other things that are even more important. If you show people that you value your work, your time and your priorities, you will be respected.
It’s harder to say no when we do not know what our priorities are.
Here’s a preview of next week: we’ll talk about the superhero syndrome. To make sure you are notified when we publish the video, subscribe to the Arata Academy ENGLISH YouTube channel and enable notifications. Meanwhile, you can also take the course, How to Say No, using this link: http://arata.se/howtosayno. It is a fast course that you will complete in a single day, and it has